My name is xxx. I was born in Kaohsiung Country in 1981. My individuality is active and extroverted. I am an architectural interior surveyor. I always like to cook some delicious foods with my family and girlfriend in my free time. There are five people in my family. My father is a businessman. He is conscientious about his job in one sense, and I was affected by my father. My mother is a dressmaker. She is good at making any kinds of good dresses. I have an older brother, who is a tindal. My older sister is a teacher, who works in a cram school. We always have a family reunion and eat at home every Sunday. I am very fortunate to have grown up in a harmonious family.
I used to be a chef for half a year before I joined the army. During the soldiering, I did some cook service for the other soldiers for almost one year. When I demobilized, I was still being a chef for half a year. However, it is not my favorite job. I found my interesting is architectural interior survey engineering. It is more divertive than cooking. I have been working in an architectural interior design company for two years. That̉̉ s why I am attractive by architectural interior survey engineering at present. As an architectural interior surveyor, I have a lot of practical survey experiences. For instance, some survey assignments in High- speed railway, Rapid transit and at sea survey. I used to do a level survey in Taichung Harbor. There were thirteen clansmen in our survey team. We separated it into two groups. One was Chinese Steel team, and the other one was Rapid transit team. There was also a headman who would boss our team about and two cartographers who drew some charts for us. This was a special and unforgettable experience for me.
My formal major is Architectural at Cheng Shiu University now. During the four years, I will focus on academically study. It is now my aim to advance my professional knowledge in quality control, excel and autocad. I also plan to get the architectural interior survey license as soon as possible. It must be an arduous task for me but I will affront it. I think to be an architectural interior survey engineer will not be a dream for me. After graduated, I plan to get a stable architectural interior survey job. I will get married with my girlfriend. We plan to have a baby. It is important for me to get enough money to keep my family. If I get plenty bankroll I will invest a chafing dish restaurant. Because having a chafing dish restaurant is my second dream. I'm confident about being successful in the future. I will face those challenges and won't abandon anything bad in my life.

谢谢大家的用心喔!经过我的努力与奋斗我终于写好了!谢谢大家喔!

大部份写的不错，除了少许地方可以修改一下，会更好。

I always like to cook some delicious foods with my family and girlfriend in my free time

→→ I always like to cook some delicious food for my family and girlfriend in my

spare time.(这句中文之意就是闲暇之余，我为家人与女友整上一桌让大家大块朵颐一番。而上一句是有空

之时，与大家整上一桌，共享盛宴，与你的原文不同)

He is conscientious about his job in one sense

→→中文：在某种意义上而言，他工作负责尽职。易言之，有时尽责，有时可能??

改为→→He is conscientious about his work devotedly(或是single-mindedly)

或是→→He is conscientious about his work with all his might.(倾全力努力工作)

and at sea survey

→→and at-sea survey 或是 and sea survey

I used to do level survey(水准测量)

→→leveling survey

There were thirteen clansmen in our survey team

→→There were 13 associates (members)in our survey team .

clansmen是表示家庭成员或是家族成员，如按上面的写法就表示这13人皆有亲戚关系。

This was a special and unforgettable experience for me

→→This is a special and unforgettable experience for me.现在式比较符合情境

It is now my aim to advance my professional knowledge in quality control, excel and autocad

→→It is now my aim to advance my professional skills in quality control, labour security,

autocad training, and working licence.

I think to be an architectural interior survey engineer will not be a dream for me

→→I don't think it will be a dream (for me) to be an architectural interior survey engineer.

If I get plenty bankroll I

→→If I got plenty of bankroll, I would．．．

Because having a chafing dish restaurant is my second dream

→→To have(run) a chafing dish restaurant is my second dream.表示未来的愿望，不能用动名词来

当主词。

I'm confident about being successful in the future

→→I'm confident in my future life.或是

→→I'm confident of doing well in the future.

won't abandon anything bad in my life

→→中文之意：不会放弃我生命中任何的坏事

→→won't abandon my sweet dream in my life.